Why Getting Married Early Will Not Stop Sexual Sin

We have hit a crisis of epic proportions in our churches. I keep hearing the statistic that every eight out of ten young people who take vows of purity will fail to keep that vow. I even heard my pastor mention it last sunday. It is, indeed, a problem. However, I have been greatly concerned about what has happened to the Christian community in their reaction against these facts.

As with other things, problems of purity in any area are not in isolation. For example, let us say that someone has a problem with lying. People can lie for several reasons, but the most preeminent is for someone to lie to protect themselves from their own wrongdoing or sin. Hence, now, not only do we have lying, but we also have the refusal to confess our sin. Not only that, but one can also sense selfcenteredness in such an action, as a person is simply trying to protect their image. Also, there is irresponsiblity in not wanting to take the responsibility for their actions. There is also not trusting in God that he forgives them from their sins if they will confess their sins. Notice how, with a simple sin such as lying, we have come to all of these other sins.

In other words, sin is never simple. People do not just sin for one reason. It doesn’t work that way. Sin has many facets to it, and is deeper than just the action that is done.

This is why I am concerned that the rather well marketed Madatory Marriage Movement has decided to use this opportunity to promote their position. They believe that, as Albert Mohler always says, sexual desires were created to drive people to marriage, and hence, the solution to the problem is to get people married at the peak of their sex drive, at around the age of 21 or 22. The logic goes something like this. The age of mediant first marriage is higher than it has ever been. It is unreasonable or unwise for kids to have to wait until they are in their late twenties to have sexual relations. That is the reason why the premarital sex rates are so high. Purity rings and purity balls just aren’t working. We need to start honoring marriage, and that means helping young twenty-somethings realize their duty to marry young.

Obviously, as you can already see, the problem with this argument is that it is overly simplistic. Sexual sin is not just an issue of sexual desires. If only it were that simple. Let us look at a sampling of the Biblical data. Paul said:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Sexual sin also has to do, notice, with what you do with your body. Do you use it to glorify God, or yourself? Likewise, sexual sin also has to do with an errant view of who are body is for. Paul likewise says:

1 Corinthians 6:13 Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body.

I think this is a strong passage to show that our bodies are not made for our own sexual desires. Our bodies were made to the glory of God, and not to our own selfish desires for sexual relations whenever we want it. Such is the errant thinking that is at the root of sexual immorality. [Incedentally, this is also a good passage to use against the idea that sexual desires were given to us in order to drive us toward marriage. They were not. They were, instead, given to us in order for us to glorify God with them.]

Also, sexual sin has, as its root, a faulty view of others. Paul likewise says:

1 Thessalonians 4:6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.

Paul here states that, when we sin sexually, we show disregard for our brothers and sisters in Christ because we transgress against them, and defraud them. Hence, this is also an issue of loving our brothers or sisters in Christ, as the case may be.

John also speaks to another issue:

1 John 2:15-16 Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.

Now, John says that there is a problem with the love of the Father being in you if you commit sexual sin. Hence, it also is an issue with our love. Not only is it an issue of who we don’t love, but also what we *do* love.

The other thing that needs to be mentioned is that all sin is idolatry. Because God is our creator, and thus, he has the rights to determine how we behave in the sexual realm, when we take it upon ourselves to behave in this fashion, we are, in essence, taking upon ourselves a right that is reserved only for God. Paul likewise says:

Romans 1:22-25 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. 24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. 25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

Not only that, but it is an issue of the Holy Spirit’s leading and guiding. Paul writes in Galatians about the deeds of the flesh, two of which are sexual immorality and uncleanliness, as well as the fruits of the spirit, one of which is self-control. However, in that context, he goes on to say:

Galatians 5:24-25 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

As you can see, the Biblical data is much more detailed in terms of an analysis of the problem. Sexual sin involves, not only a violation of God’s word in terms of sexual behavior, but it also involves errors in who your body belongs to, the purpose of your body, how we treat others, who and what we do and do not love, how we worship, and how we interact with the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

I could even go on from here, but to do so would only be to beat a dead horse. I say this to make a very important point. As you can see, getting rid of sexual immorality is not just a matter of changing your attitude in terms of what you are going to do physically. It is a matter of the attitudes and actions that lie behind the sin itself. It is a matter of the secret sins that give rise to the sin of premarital sex, as well as the actual sin of premarital sex itself.

You might say that dealing with all of those different sins looks like it would be difficult. The answer is that it most certainly is. However, it is exactly this that Paul says makes a us stronger. Notice what he says:

Romans 5:3-5 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Now, do we want to have “proven character” with regards to our sexual behavior? Paul says that proven character comes through tribulation. Also, the golden chain of redemption can be brought forward at this point. Why? Because it is in the context of suffering:

Romans 8:25-30 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. 26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

Again, through suffering, we receive glorification. Also, what about Jesus’ statement:

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.

Notice how self denial, and the cross as an instrument of suffering is actually a prerequisite to following after Christ. Also, there is this statement from the book of Acts:

Acts 14:22 strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying, “Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”

What an amazing statement for us to hear that it is through tribulations that we must enter the kingdom of heaven. Also, Paul admonished his readers:

Galatians 6:9 Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Notice how Paul puts forth doing good as a struggle, and admonishes them to not grow weary in doing good, for, when God comes to take us to be with him, we will reap a reward of harvest. Paul presents the pursuit of purity as something that is a struggle. Paul presents entering the kingdom of heaven as something that is hard work.

Now, I would like to contrast this with the position of the purity balls, purity rings, and yes, the position of the marriage mandators. I would say that, just as we have the word “cheap grace” for someone who tips their hat towards God, and says that they now have their fire insurance, and can go and live life as they please, I think we need to start talking about modern views of sanctification as “cheap purity.” Why? Because they end up simply saying that all there is to sexual purity is reving up the emotions in order to get you to sign a pledge of purity, and put a ring around your finger, and now we have the marriage mandators saying that the solution to the problem is younger marriage! Again, all of these are cheap. True purity requires hard work, and it requires persevering under tribulations. It is not, nor has it ever been, simply a matter of getting married early, putting on a ring, or attending a ball.

True purity means making up ones mind that we are going to follow Christ twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It means continually fighting against the desires of the flesh. It also means accountability to others in the church so that you are not walking the journey alone. True purity is hard. However, we in our modern culture want quick fixes for everything. We don’t want to be bothered with all of this tribulation and fighting for purity.

Now, can early marriage help in this struggle? Most definitely. However, so can purity rings and purity balls. I have a major concern for those who would think that early marriage or any of these is the solution to the problem. Consider this. If all of those other sins are not taken care of, then how do you know that the statistics will not go from eight out of ten people who make purity pledges do not keep their pledge to eight out of ten people who marry young to avoid fornication commit adultery against their spouse, or are involved in hardcore pornography? You might say, “That’s impossible!” It isn’t. What happens when your wife has to go away for a while to tend to an unforseen emergency, and you do not know when she will get back, and the slutty secretary at work starts seducing you? What happens if your wife is two hours late to come home, or gets home after you, and you have “internet access?” You see, unless the issues of the underlying sins that actually cause this sin are addressed, we will just be exchanging one sin for another. What good is it going to do us to say that people don’t commit fornication because fornication is not the word you use for a married woman or man sleeping with someone other than their wife? That is really empty.

Now, someone might object that 1 Corinthians 7 says it is better to marry than to burn. Well, again, Paul is dealing in context with widowers and widows, as Gordon Fee, Craig Blomberg, and Richard Hays rightly argue in their commentaries. “Unmarried” should be understood in 1 Corinthians 7:8 to refer to “widowers.” Not only that, but Paul has just gotten done dealing with a similar issue in verses 2-5. Verse 5 is important:

1 Corinthians 7:5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

What is interesting here is that Paul, speaking to married Christians, tells them that there is only one time in which they can refrain from sexual relations with their spouse, and that is by agreement for a time to devote themselves to prayer. However, he tells them that they must come together again so that Satan does not tempt them because of their lack of self control. The Greek term used for self control here is the noun form of the verb used in verse 9. There is then, in my mind, a clear progression in Paul’s thought. He has in mind his commandment for married people to have sexual relations when he writes this passage to widows and widowers, and he has already addressed self-control in the context of the breakup of a sexual relationship, telling married couples to not intentionally breakup the sexual relationship.

Now, what happens if the relationship is broken up by death? Well, Paul says in verses 6-8 that it is better, in such an instance, for a person to remain unmarried. However, knowing the unique temptations that the breakup of a sexual relationship can bring, Paul commands those who still have the desire for the sexual relationship that has now been interrupted by death to remarry.

Hence, to rip this passage out of the context of the breakup of a sexual relationship is to misuse the text.

Now, all of that being said, do I think that there are advantages to marrying younger? Certainly. However, it is like everything else. You gain some things, and you loose some things. For example, you will always be more mature at 28 than you were at 22. That is an indesputable fact. You will also have a degree to make money to take care of a family. However, if you marry younger, you will be able to have more children, and you will have more energy to take care of those children. One has got to weigh the advanges and disadvanges of each.

Also, it is true that early marriage is looked down upon, and it shouldn’t be. We should be willing to look at the benifits of early marriage. However, it is not required of anyone, and will most certainly not solve the problem of rampant premarital sex within our communions, nor will it solve the problem of people who cannot sexually control themselves. For that, we need to put down our cultural obsession with convenience and comfort, fight the good fight, and finish the race. We need to press on to the prize, to the goal of Christ Jesus. I dare say, until these things are emphasized *daily* within Christian circles, this problem will never be solved.